THE PROBLEM WITH NZGT

I blame the judges - not icecream

I can tell you straight off; it's the judges.

There, that was a short glog this week wasn't it?

Alright, I'll elaborate. Clearly, New Zealand does indeed have some talent, particularly in the areas of dance and singer-songwritery cafe rockers. There are also a few really wacky jugglers out there, but once you've been to Cirque du Soleil, wacky doesn't quite cut it anymore. When it comes to circus acts these days, unless you can actually stick your elbow up your own bum, while playing the accordian and setting yourself on fire, we've seen it all before.

So how did we end up with so many no-talent losers and misfits in the so-called grand final of New Zealand's Got Talent?

I blame the judges... and their litany of lies. Ali Campbell, Rachel Hunter and Jason Kerrison sat there in our tellies week after week and lied to our faces. On a Sunday too. Pretty naughty. We trust Rachel, we've trusted her for years. After all, she was so right about Trumpets. You really can't beat them. Watch Rachel's Old Ad to see a real, live supermodel actually eating icecream. If she says the entire country has fallen in love with 91 year-old Olivia Turner (even though she's been singing progressively worse and worse each week) maybe she heard something we didn't.

For almost 30 years, Ali Campbell's been giving us such good advice about consuming red wine in moderation. When he then goes on to predict Logan Walker's original song could be the country's next big single, obviously that's sound advice too. Kind of suspicious he's told that to at least two other acts as well - or could we be headed for an all NZGT top 5?

If Jason Kerrison, 20 year veteren of the kiwi music industry tells us 11 year-old Fletcher's going to be a big star, surely he's going to be, right? We wouldn't want to miss out on that action. Don't let the fact he can't find his own cat fool you, this tweenie's got the goods.

Sadly, it's lies. All lies. It's almost as if the judges were just saying these things to keep us interested in their programme. Sadly, for this viewer anyway, they completely missed the boat. I've watch many hours of this kind of bollocks TV over the years and in my view, the only singing shows that work are the ones where at least one of the judges is prepared to be brutally honest. Simon Cowell is the master of course, with Ian "Dicko" Dickson and the notorious Kyle Sandilands close behind.

All too often throughout this series, we've seen people singing terrible songs badly in horrendous outfits, only to be told they had genuine star potential and had connected with every member of the audience. I'm no Jason Kerrison, but I've sung and played a little over the years and I can hear when someone's off the note. "Big" Dane never got near the notes on Sunday, but I don't think that's what Rachel meant when she told him/her, "How unbelievable was that? Your voice is just so powerful!" I think she actually meant it as a compliment.

I don't want to put any of the contestants down (except maybe Zane and Degge - Dudes! Why would you try to juggle on unicycles when one of you can't seem to ride a unicycle?) because it's not the contestants' fault they were put through. In fact, some contestants seemed to make every effort to NOT be put through. Tawaroa Kawana for example - he starts out as a hip SBW look-alike serenading Rachel with his acoustic guitar, then the next time we see him he's crooning cruise-ship style in a shiny suit. I mean, what is that about?

It's the judges. It's the judges. It's all the judges. Sure we voted, but we voted the way the judges told us to and if we didn't, they put the 3rd-best act through anyway. What kind of idiot system is that? I'll tell what kind - it's a wrought. 99 cents a vote? Please. Oh, of course you can download the free app - but even then you have to buy voting credits. Someone's creaming it - and it ain't the contestants. (In spite of so many of them having "New Zealand's next hit single") Okay, one of them WILL take home $100k in their brand new ride - I just hope that it's Clara or Evan. JGeeks are great too - but they'll have to take turns driving.

Fire the judges and put somebody honest in there. They don't have to be mean, just don't be mean with the facts. At least they're right about one thing; Corollas ARE really cool cars.

Please ignore the abysmal parallel parking and appreciate the coolness of the car