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| Yes, I'm wearing a bib. What of it? |
Sorry if you came looking for Mickey Mouse. Even more sorry if you're sick to death of hearing about my holiday to California and Nevada. Just bear in mind, it's probably the most interesting thing that'll happen to me all year, so it's either my travel stories, or a detailed description of the unprecedented parallel park I managed to pull off yesterday morning. (Actually, I'm going to bank that one - that'll make an AWESOME glog)
I am a food lover. It's no secret. By that, I do not mean I am any kind of connoisseur. I just love eating. There's a word for that... food slut? No, that's right; glutton.
I'd heard wonderful things about the general nature of U.S. cuisine. And by wonderful, I mean horrific. Fries with everything. Massive servings. Whipped cream. Cheese in a can. Giant drinks. That sort of thing.
I expected fat people everywhere.
I couldn't wait to be disgusted and appalled. And well fed.
In some ways I was disappointed.
Firstly, I was not confronted with the much discussed American obesity epidemic on any grand scale. Yes, I saw people who were literally too overweight to be supported by their own legs, but I assume that's why Disneyland offers such a well-stocked range of mobility scooters to enable them to get around their attractions.
Yes, I was a little worried when I took my seat in the front carriage of the Mummy roller coaster at Universal studios, not because I was about to experience a genuinely scary amusement park ride, but because the guy who got in next to me was so oversized, they couldn't lock the safety bar down into place - over EITHER of us. I briefly had visions of being forced to cling desperately to the underside of my seat or plummet to an untimely but spectacular death. Luckily, common sense prevailed and the 12 year-old responsible for keeping us all alive asked the man to wait for the next car so the could stick him in the XXXXL seats at the back.
However, these were actually the exceptions, not the rule.
Disney had plenty of fast food options, but on closer inspection the menus kept featuring fruit instead of fries and a range of salads.
MacDonald's kept advertising yolk-free breakfast sandwiches. In fact, things served with just egg-whites were everywhere.
Where was my grease-fest? I'd been training for this, overeating for months. I wanted my ridiculous mountain of food I could never hope to eat and I wanted it now.
My hopes were raised the night we ate at Red Robin, a dine-in burger chain offering "Bottomless Steak Fries" with every meal. That sounded more like it... except I actually had to ask for more chips. I thought they'd just magically flow down a chute onto my table, a bit like one of those automatic pet feeders. But no, turns out these Yanks are more civilised than I thought.
Universal Studios did seem to serve alcohol from most of their burger stands (not sure if that's a great idea immediately before taking on a pack of evil Transformers in dazzling 4D) but a can of Bud Light hardly constitutes the makings of a culinary coronary.
Disturbingly, we had quite a few really great meals. Most unexpected. What's more, four of these meals were at restaurant CHAINS and the best one was in a DEPARTMENT store.
4: Red Robin. Really amazing selection of burgers, the house wine was totally drinkable, fantastic service. Shame about having to ask for more "bottomless" steak fries.
3: Joe's Crab Shack. We ate here on our first night in L.A. Jet-lagged, hungry and desperate for an enormous beer, it was just what the doctor ordered. What could be wrong with a massive bucket of crab, lobster and mussels, a selection of specialty tools to break into them with and a bib? Oh, and the waiting staff all sing and dance for you every half hour as well, because... well, just because.
2: Rainforest Cafe. Saw quite a few of these around the place and on the surface, it seems a bit over the top. If you haven't been to one, what it is, is a cafe in a rainforest. It's not a real rainforest, you understand. There are snakes and gorillas though. Not real snakes and gorillas. They have a thunderstorm every now and again. Not a real one. There IS a humungous fish tank. The menu is full on. The kids are entertained. There are cocktails. We went to the one outside Disneyland. Very appropriate.
1: The Cheesecake Factory. I briefly mentioned this meal in last week's glog. I've left it till last because it was my favourite. Don't be put off by the name, there's a lot more to this menu than just cheesecake. In fact, it wasn't a menu at all, it was a novella, and there was a kind of lift-out colour supplement with the specials on to boot. I went with the Creole jambalaya with chicken and shrimp. Oh my god, my mouth is watering just writing this. Elder Monster ordered the chicken, biscuits and gravy. Yes, she realised American biscuits are not TimTams or Gingernuts, but more like our scones - therefore this dish represented her ultimate comfort food. Oh yeah, she was happy. Did I mention the location? We were on the terrace. On the roof. Of Macy's. Overlooking Union Square. (Yes, I realise I did all that last week, but I thought it worked)
Oh, as for the cheesecake, I'll let the picture do the talking...
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| The Red Velvet. Believe it or not, objects were larger than they appear |
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