CAN THE CHIEFS GET SOME LOVE PLEASE?

The evolution of Super Trophies from an actual cup to something stupid...

What do you have to do to be appreciated around here? No other New Zealand franchise won 12 out of their 16 regular season games. Did any other team manage to beat the Crusaders twice? Who else has a prop who can score 9 tries in a season?


The Chiefs deserve some serious props (see what I did there?) but I bet you they won't get them. In fact, we don't even get a decent trophy. This Super 15 thing looks like the part of the U.S.S. Enterprise that holds the dilithium crystals in. What's wrong with a good old-fashioned cup? Or at least a ball on a stick like the last one.


But that's okay. We're not in it for the accolades. We don't need medals. Or a trophy that actually looks like a trophy. A little attention would be nice though.


The Chiefs' win has flown so low under the radar, the C.I.A. should hire them to infiltrate North Korea and gather intelligence. It's like the whole season has been specifically designed to rob the mighty Chiefs of any credit whatsoever. So here it is; my outrageous conspiracy theory...


Firstly, we got the Blues. I don't mean we were depressed about how no-one noticed how well we were playing, I'm talking about the Auckland Blues. Nobody plays that badly, especially a team from New Zealand. You realise they lost as many games as the Chiefs won? Unheard of. Unless... and remember, this is just a theory, unless... they were LOSING ON PURPOSE! At the risk of sounding like Graham Henry, I just can't believe the Blues could have sucked that much, week after week, unless they were doing it deliberately. But not because they were being paid off, oh no. I believe their motivation was far more sinister than that. It was a petty, underhanded attempt to deflect the public's interest away from the Chiefs' continuing success. Bloody Aucklanders. Typical.


Secondly, the schedule. Since when do we stop the whole season 7/8ths of the way through so the All Blacks can almost lose to the Irish, then come back and absolutely pulverise them? Since never, that's when. An obvious attempt to halt the Chiefs' momentum just as we were clicking into finals mode.


Thirdly, the T.M.O. (or Totally Moronic Officiating) So, having already sown up a place in the finals, we simply had to beat either the Crusaders or the Hurricanes in the last 2 rounds to gain the all-important home-ground advantage for the final. What stopped us? A series of Barnes-like TMO decisions nobody could explain, agree with or even watch back repeatedly in slow-motion without becoming nauseas.


Luckily, the Stormers cocked it all up against the Sharks and we got our home final back again, BUT EVEN THEN...


Hey sports geniuses, I know, let's schedule the Super 15 Final on the very weekend we're due to win a whole tie-rack full of medals at the gold-damned Olympic Games. By that stage I'm pretty sure anyone outside the Waikato was so glued to channel 444 (where the hell did all these new channels come from anyway? Also highly suspicious, come to think of it) they'd forgotten the Super Season was still going on. "Wasn't there a rugby game on tonight, dear?" "Hush, darling. They're paddling their boats backwards again, go Kiwi!"


We won by the way. Easily. Just like the Crusaders... USED TO. IN THE OLD DAYS. WHEN THERE WEREN'T AS MANY TEAMS. Not that I'm bitter. Alright, I may be a bit bitter, but after reading my conspiracy theory concisely presented in 4 easy-to-digest bullet points you've got to admit, it's not exactly fair. 


It's not to late to make amends though, New Zealand. You can make it up to the good people of the Waikato, the hard-working, early-rising backbone of the dairy industry and thus, our entire economy. How about a national holiday? Just one day off should do it (although 15 would obviously be more appropriate) We could call it Chiefs Day. It'd be Monday-ised, obviously. I mean, there's no point in having a holiday without having a holiday - right, Government? The whole country would be festooned in red, amber and black, becoming the land of the long mooloo-coloured cloud. We'd play appropriate games like Change the Ripped Jersey and the newly popular Behind-the-Goal-Posts Crowd Jump. We'd drink milk in the morning and Waikato Draught at night (okay, we'd just PRETEND to drink Waikato Draught - not even I'm that loyal) And we'd all take a moment to remember, in our own special way, the night the mighty Chiefs won the toughest provincial rugby competition in the world.


...and a stupid trophy.

The reigning Behind-the-Goal-Posts Crowd Jumping champion in action