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| Don't look now, Charlotte... |
You see, I too have been bullied, although not recently. Let's see, how long would it be since Patrick Lowry last smacked me in the head? I'm thinking fourth form... so about... ah, yes, only about 24 YEARS AGO! Actually, now I picture him, he genuinely may have been part-troll - turned-up pig-nose, crazy mop of unnaturally black hair (fur?)... definitely not New Zealand's next top model. I have no compunction in naming him publicly because
1) it was 24 YEARS AGO
b) not really sure that many people are reading this
and thirdly) he used to smack me in the head
I actually don't blame Patrick for his bullying because I probably had it coming. Patrick was big, stupid and ugly (not sure about smelly, but for the sake of argument, let's say he was) and I reminded him of that loudly, publicly and regularly. In fact, when I put it like that maybe I was bullying HIM... hmmm. Still, you don't punch someone just for stating the obvious do you?
My point here is, and yes there really is one, in my book, being thumped qualifies as bullying. Being told to stick your head in a toaster does not. (Charlotte, seriously, why are you still reading?) What's more, being told to stick your head in a toaster by someone you don't even know over the internet is something so insignificant, it very nearly hasn't even happened at all.
I have another example of bullying experienced first-hand, roughly around the same time as the Patrick Lowry stuff was happening to my ACTUAL head. This example is named Manaroa. Manaroa is not the location of the bullying, but the perpetrator. Unlike Mr. Lowry, I cannot out him completely, as I have no knowledge of Manaroa's surname. It is more than possible he has no use for a last name in the same way Beyonce, Kimbra and the Hulk need no further embellishment. Manaroa's only distinguishing troll-features were massive lips. (I'm not certain if trolls really possess massive lips, but I made fun of Patrick's appearance so it seems only fair)
The details surrounding Manaroa's particular mien of bullying are sketchy to me now, all these years on. I think it was some form of extortion... he was demanding either my lunch, my money or possibly my virginity in exchange for not throwing me down the bank into the lake. (I'm almost definitely lying about the virginity option, just go with it though)
Why I refused, I cannot say. Was I making some heroic, anti-bullying statement? Had I already spent my money? You can rest assured by now my lunch was well digested, and try as I might, nobody really seemed interested in my virginity. I'll say this for Manaroa though, the guy knew how to follow through on his threats. I can't rule out the possibility I may have made a few troll-lip taunts while pleading my case, which probably didn't help my cause at all. Just goes to show, no-one likes a smart-arse... especially not Patrick Lowry and Manaroa.
While the bank was steep and muddy, the lake was not especially deep and I lived to insult other bullies another day. Once again though, spending the rest of my walk home emptying mud out of my shoes and leaves out of my school bag was real proof of real bullying. A Twitter feed which has since been half-deleted doesn't take nearly as long to dry out in front of the heater.
Charlotte, if you're still with us by this point, you're even more of a masochist than I already had you pegged for. Stop it. Stop reading. I'm certainly not the first person over the last few days to offer you the same bit of obvious advice. If a troll suggested I should kill myself via Twitter, I probably wouldn't even notice. Mind you, I do follow some pretty weird shit. (Pebbles Hooper for example. What's that about?) If your celebrity is so reliant on staying in touch with your Tweeps, it could be worth hiring someone to filter it for you. If not, delete your account. It's not like it's Facebook or anything.
Why would you spend hour after hour reading horrible things about yourself? How can you take "Stick your head in the toaster" seriously? Who even owns a toaster that can fit a bagel, let alone a whole head?
Of course, the ultimate lesson here is for me, not you, Charlotte. (I've given up hoping you won't read the whole thing) Ignoring the bullies actually works. Even the real ones. I didn't have to tell Patrick he was ugly - everyone could already see that. As for Manaroa OneName, why didn't I just cross the road the moment I saw him? Because I've got a smart mouth and I can't resist opening it, that's why. Sometimes, just because the joke is there to be made, doesn't mean you should make it. I learned that lesson the hard way Charlotte, surely you're smart enough to realise the trolls out there just never did.
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| The stuff of cyber nightmares! |
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